1: In the beginning beer was without form and style and the
four Elements of Beer lay within the Brewers hands. 2:Thus he did call them by
name: “Water, Grain, Bitter, and Yeast.” And so it was. 3: From that day to
this; that all that should be called beer must contain these primal elements of
beer or suffer the shame of being called “Malt beverage” or “wine cooler” 4:
and the Brewer did gather up these four elements and consider each of them for
their own part.
5:In the first part the Brewer did take up Water. 6: He took
it from the highest streams and the deepest running currents. 7; He tasted it
and found that all waters are not the same. 8: He recognized that water would
accept the character and flavor of the minerals and streams and rivers through
which it flowed, 9: and he thought to himself, “This is pretty cool”
10: Then did the brewer go unto the stores and look at
Grain. 11: corn, wheat, barley, oats, rye. 12: He knew there in lie greatness
and yet none would yield 13: he ground them to flour and they were useful for
bread. He macerated them with vinegar and found great glue. 14: True was the
brewer’s lamenting his state. 15: he was so distraught that he spilled his sodden
bags of grain about the floor and went down amongst the cisterns in the
catacombs and set a fire. 16: The fire was hot and heated the stone and the cisterns
began to steam. 17: so hot the steam that the brewer ran from the house and
returned when the heat and steam had subsided to find his grain was not destroyed.
18: And thus was found the gift of Malt.
19 Though the gift of malt was great; the omniscient creator did yet conceal from the brewer the purpose of this gift. 20: soaking brought forth a sweet emulsion and yet it was not enough. 21: one day in his frustration the brewer chewed the malted grain and was amazed at the sweetness therein. 22: He spat the sprouted grain into his hand and gazed upon it and understanding came upon him. 23: he took the malted grain and crushed it between two great dowels of stone and the dust was little more than sugar and husk. 24: and so Grist was revealed unto the Brewer.
19 Though the gift of malt was great; the omniscient creator did yet conceal from the brewer the purpose of this gift. 20: soaking brought forth a sweet emulsion and yet it was not enough. 21: one day in his frustration the brewer chewed the malted grain and was amazed at the sweetness therein. 22: He spat the sprouted grain into his hand and gazed upon it and understanding came upon him. 23: he took the malted grain and crushed it between two great dowels of stone and the dust was little more than sugar and husk. 24: and so Grist was revealed unto the Brewer.
25: Then did the brewer return unto his cooking vessels and
he chose from all of them the largest.26: And the brewer looked upon the face
of the vessel and cast thereto malted barley, and heated the barely water till
steam did rise and froth did form. 27: It was in this moment that the brewer did
look upon the vessel and said “let there be Mash”, and it was mash. 28: Thus
the brewer did taste the mash and did say “It is good; but very; very sweet.”
29: The brewer did also look upon his brew and see hulls and sprouts and broken
grain. 30: and the brewer did sieve the liquid from the grain. 31: After the
sieve the Brewer did taste of the remaining grain and found it to hold flavor
and character as a vise should hold a pin.32: The Brewer was not pleased and devised to take from the
remaining grist all the malty blessings that might be there contained. 33: The
brewer did repose in the chair of reclination and for a time observe from that
space the games of the circus and the amphitheater.
34: It was then that the Brewer decided he needed rest. 35:
and the brewer went unto his resting chamber wherein he beheld his beloved who
said unto the Brewer, 36: “If thou wouldst lay with me then thou must rinse thy
self lest the wayward fruit of your vocation should become as glue within our
sheets. 37: and the brewer did suddenly understand his plight and run from the
room crying “I shall Sparge!” 38 and His wife remained and sayeth “What the
Fuck?”
39: The Brewer did run unto is shop and spend much time
therein until he found a way that heated water should fall upon the expended
malt. 40 the heated water did strip the malt of all God given sugar and
goodness and flavor. 41; Thus unto the Brewer was Wort revealed.
42: and the Brewer to taste of the wart and revel in its
flavor and its sweetness. 43: Yet the Brewer understood that so much sweet was
not the way of the righteousness. 44: Forever should simple pleasure be
tempered with a counter that we might remember the grace of God. 45 Thus did the Brewer seek to embitter his
creation that He might not offend that which is truly divine.
46: first then did the brewer try most simple things. 47:
bitter herbs and greens were no avail. 48: strong spices pleased the palate yet
still yet the taste of sapling sweet prevailed. 48: In London Towne the Brewer
tarried thinking he had found a compromise. 49: Yet the hazel hull could not
compare to the bitter of the German flower.
50: The noble vine whose flowers gave such bitter glory to a malt. 51: ”bitter shall continence the sweet 52: Then the brewer did draw a sample and tasted thereof and said, “Not bad…”finally the Brewer could cast upon the wort that final sacred living element of beer, “Yeast.” 53: here then would the elixir of beer be defined. 54: Here were the four sacred elements brought together and un-adultered beer quaffed and toasted through the night. 55: the search had been long and a perilous journey which would leave its mark on all Beer.
56: Beer as the Brewer intended was now upon the face of the Tavern. Yet there was more to come. The Brewer would give much more if we are but willing to taste.
50: The noble vine whose flowers gave such bitter glory to a malt. 51: ”bitter shall continence the sweet 52: Then the brewer did draw a sample and tasted thereof and said, “Not bad…”finally the Brewer could cast upon the wort that final sacred living element of beer, “Yeast.” 53: here then would the elixir of beer be defined. 54: Here were the four sacred elements brought together and un-adultered beer quaffed and toasted through the night. 55: the search had been long and a perilous journey which would leave its mark on all Beer.
56: Beer as the Brewer intended was now upon the face of the Tavern. Yet there was more to come. The Brewer would give much more if we are but willing to taste.
57: Yet we have not spoken of the Yeast. 58:It is because
this is one of the first defining elements of a Beer and this was well known
unto the Brewer. 59: It is by this basic element of beer we might first define
the intricacy of the Brewers gifts. 60: It is by the Yeast that we shall call a
beer as one type or another and compare it only to it’s own true taste. 61: We
shall judge Ale only as Ale and a Lager only as a Lager. 62: It follows that we
should only judge the children of these types according to their own 64: We
shall judge an IPA according to other IPA’s and true grain Pilsners against
other true Grain Pilsners. 65: Yea even if this meaneth we must proclaim an
American Rice Lager, “ A Decent Beer”
66: The Brewer has brought to us a rich diversity of taste
and flavor. 67: It is therefore our duty as Beer Drinkers to taste as many of
the wondrous variations as we may. 68: That we might better understand the purpose
hopes and dreams of the Brewer, 69, and understanding this adds to our pleasure
as well as theirs.
